you found me!
My Story (and my inner world) is less Buddha under a Tree and more John Connor on a motorcycle fighting against the Machines.
I’ve walked many a road along life’s labyrinth in Search of Glory.
Some of those roads continue to be Glorious and some turned out to be Dead Ends.
Life has taught me how to Return to Centre - time and time again.
I am hopeful - and with each turn of the whirling dervish that this reality can be, especially in these times, I learn to Embrace what it is my Heart is calling me to BE.
That feeling in my Heart has always been my most reliable compass.
It is from here I share my tale, sing my song, and talk, dear listener, to you!
1. Landing.
I can distinctly remember being 4 years old in the supermarket/grocery store holding my Mother’s hand, looking around, and noticing clear as day that how people acted in the world, for the most part, felt like an “overlay”.
It seemed rushed, hurried, and more than anything fragile, like a badly written screenplay placed over something that was already magic enough.
I asked my Mother “Where do people go who don’t want to be part of this?”
She replied, “There isn’t anywhere.” Oddly she knew exactly the question I intended and the level of gravitas from which my young body was asking it.
In that moment I felt both Anger & Sadness. Suddenly, at such a tender age - I had smelt the anguish that hangs like a cloud over the heads of the downtrodden.
I was angry too - for I knew my Mother did not believe the words she spoke and even then I knew even she had been let down - that she wasn’t shown the way.
But the way was to be found together and luckily the gifts & values of laughter, support, and care were formed like pillars in my consciousness from the love my Father & Mother held me in.
2. School.
Not my favourite years. First day - picture the scene. Young OJ thinks he’s checking out a place, having a look around, an experience for a day shall we say. Bit of colouring in, some singing, a bit of lunch - job done, happy days, and back home for a nap.
Little did he realise school was a day-in day-out kind of gig. He was not happy. Again he swallowed what seemed to be a bit of a cruel joke, the “world” didn’t seem fit for purpose.
Overweight, disassociated and ineffectively handling the move to high school in tandem with heavy bereavements I would say those years were some of the saddest, loneliest, and most torturous of my life.
You find your role in school fast. You repeat it until it becomes second nature, and you learn to cope with the weight of that on your Shoulders. Then one day you forget that the choice exists to do things another way. Instead of finding your own way - you fixate on finding the “right” way. Or at least I did.
I am immeasurably grateful for the friendships from that time and the influence of a few key teachers as to how to honour this life.
I’ll be honest I always felt like an outsider but with time it is easier to reflect back with compassion & forgiveness and realise everyone else felt that way too.
It is worth pointing out that if it were not for the profound love & wisdom of my Brother and Sister during these times (in fact all times) then I would be nowhere near as badass as I am today! Their Soul’s Light is a constant reminder of the grounding beauty of Authenticity.
3. explorer.
Traveling. Partying. Explorations. Divergences. And Returns.
This Era of My Life Set the Stage for a Freedom Fighters Debut.
Devouring new concepts, new stimuli & new horizons at a rapid pace - it is only looking back now I can see how the wisdom of my Soul planted so many seeds during these years and always delivered me to exactly where I needed to be.
At times I was arrogant, unyielding, and desperately lonely. And other times I was feeling surges of energy, happiness & a titillating connection to “all things”.
It became clear to me that the Path I had prepared to walk i.e. school, university, career success was no longer an option for me - that a conventional acceptance of the way we are told to be in this world and to go along with it would be an inexcusable defeat. I would not abide it.
I would not bow my head.
Many times I walked alone as I refused to admire the Emperor’s New Clothes and the attacks I received for trying to point them out left scars that needed repair.
I took it all very personally and drained myself concerned too heavily with Hunting the Dark instead of Cultivating the Light.
Meditation & Spirituality found me & luckily became tools through which I could expand & create with. They felt like Home. They felt like a calling. It felt more empowering than anything I had previously felt.
It felt like Life was coming into Focus. By age 20 I resolutely knew that there was more to this world than meets the eye and that I couldn’t possibly live pretending there wasn’t.
4. boyfather.
If there is one subject that is likely to bring me to tears it is that of my Children. I feel so so so blessed that they even exist - it feels miraculous. However as with all Great Journeys little is known at the start of just how much of an informative experience lay ahead.
I was 22 with my then partner when my son was born, a couple of years to be followed by my daughter. I remember fondly the wisdom of my father-in-law at the time who hinted wryly with Grace at the incomprehensible mysteries of space, time & love, and just how lucky we are to be here at all - especially together.
This experience of becoming a Father opened my Heart in ways I couldn’t imagine. It also confronted me with the pressure & consequence of Life that if I’m honest I evaded. Although present in the day-to-day and full of love for my children my own boyhood had not yet concluded and thus the bigger dreams & visions that come from Divine Confidence had not yet landed within me.
It is bittersweet looking back at this time and I still, every now & then, have to make real space for feelings of Shame & Guilt that rise up out of the depths, still held in my body from this time - for a multitude of reasons. Separation is a painful process yet it was from this separation and life upheaval that real magic would be born - for all.
During this time I also dabbled more in the mainstream “the man”. Working in several positions in Education I broadened my awareness of the dynamics at play for most in our culture and honed my skills in shining my light in all circumstances. Doing this though can lead to crux moments and choices arise that feel pregnant with futures waiting to be born.
5. lover/magician
The term initiation doesn’t quite cover what I went through during this time. Very much at the beginning of a new chapter & direction in life, one in which a sense of connection, inner power & legacy would inspire me and intimidate me in equal measure. Things were about to get Cosmic and the stage was set for a convergence of Hearts & Souls that is surely evidence of Divine Planning.
I felt Free for the first time in a long time and that allowed me to embrace even more paradigm shifts about my concepts of the world and myself. My creativity was unleashed and the more charismatic and magnetic feminine polarities of my inner being were attracting Life Changing opportunities.
Meeting my wife, Rebecca, was a cornerstone moment. Have you ever met someone who you feel so aligned with in terms of “Life&Love” that even when you didn’t know that person you can think back to those times before and it feels like they were there all along? Not only that - but include her 2 Daughters, My 2 monkies and you have a whole new recipe for Soul Magic.
Rebecca & I began to work together too - starting a business that would literally help 1000’s in the local area and we honed our skills together in the work we do now. We also honed each other’s Hearts and as you may know full well Love is often the most dramatic of battlefields. As we brought our Family together we faced many challenges and personally I’ve never known a more rewarding Soul School than the Tribe we have created. The 6 of us would soon become 8 as Bex would bring our 2 children into the world over the coming years.
I have to sit back sometimes, take stock, and really be brave to feel the amount of pride, gratitude, and amazement in all that we have achieved together. Once upon a time, I didn’t think it was possible to live so openly with love in your heart but now I could see it was.
6. manfather.
For a while there I thought I had it clocked, and then as so often happens we spiral back around to go deeper - and deeper within I went. The world, outer and inner, needed recalibrating and I think everyone felt that when the world was playing Corona Blues for as long as it did. Much needed was that interjection for so many on so many levels - including myself.
It highlighted again even further to me the quantum nature of the choices we make and how we can reform our underlying assumptions about reality from a place of inner sovereignty. However, you have to pay the piper and if you are to ask for sovereignty you will also have to stand by yourself as you branch off divergently from the groupthink and illusions of a culture confused about its relationship to Mother Earth & Father Sky.
Action in my understanding until this point had escaped me as being a Divine Expression in its own right and in a crusade to become more impactful, more authentic, and more responsible the masculine initiations of life allowed me to restructure and re-scaffold from the inside out. Beautifully this happened in tandem with my Father going through his own process of inner recalibration and thus I was able to finally see myself in him with pride and my heart melted as I felt him to do the same.
All my Relationships deepened beautifully alongside my professional output and creative capabilities. The polarity between my Wife & I shifted and deepened and has only continued to get richer, more rewarding, and more playful as I have married those same polarities within myself.
I always wanted to live in an “all bets are off” kind of way, not bound by the odds and causal realities that seem to hold so many prisoners within their own perception. The challenging nature of these times for me personally was being realistic,and mechanical even in applying that masculine structure, robustness, and sheer belief in the vision unfolding.
As has been my guiding light and will continue to be so - it is my Family that has held me and believes in me to Lead this direction for us all - where all bets are off, we make our own odds and everyone is inspired and supported to express and experience their truth.
This is the vision, dear Reader, I share with you also.
7. visioning.
Where next you may ask - where next does this Journey, this Vision take us? You might not believe me when I say it - but this is the only mission I have ever been interested in.
I mentioned John Connor and Terminator 2 earlier as a joke but I am also deadly serious. That is the thing about me - I love to be serious and silly at the same time because I feel if we forget that we can do that - then in many ways we have already lost.
More is at stake during these times than ever before- the paths of billions lay bare upon a Razor’s Edge and I would propose that already so much Light has been brought into the world that has averted countless disasters. Yet it is now time to turn that tide once and for all.
I have come to know, love and revere my own uniqueness as a cosmic expression of evolution & divine intelligence. Every place I’ve encountered in my life (and self) that forgot that, forgot it was divine and in no way needed to bargain for its existence, always Love has been the answer.
Love has many flavours and my favourite flavours are the ones that hang around long enough to be savoured, long enough to be built upon, long enough to be shared with the next generation and have a chance to echo through time.
You see - a new world has already been born. If you are reading this - you are undoubtedly part of the landing team tasked with grounding it for the next generation.
The Vision I hold? That everyone who wishes to be is supported in comprehending their own unique power. That we re write the rules around collaboration. We do this together by no longer outsourcing our sense of inner authority.
My Life has gifted and taught me so many things but I want to leave you with this one takeaway…
The only person who can grant you permission, truly is YOU.
This support for your self-determination is thick and vibrant within the layers of reality, you can harness it. I can show you how.
Now all bets are off Amigos…
What will you create??
3 things which are fiercely important to me.
family.“We are building a Tribe of Souls who decided to coalesce in these times. It was written long ago and may we be blessed to live out the dreams of the many who came before us”.
I don’t think I have “friends” - it is all family to me. Once you are in - you are in for life. My extended network is one of the key achievements and blessings I have in my life. It is something that I wish as a reality for all. Humans need support, interaction, and kinship.
It is my knowing that Relationships will be the key currency of a Heart Led Revolution.
exploration.“Every Being should be encouraged, supported, and inspired to explore their own inner world and unique expression. I want to live in a world in which this is so - where we help each other’s dreams come true”.
Breaking down creative barriers is a lifetime commitment and it doesn’t happen overnight. Kindness & Benevolence are needed if we are to support each other and remained focus on bringing about a new world.
In order for the collective to thrive and to give vitality to its members - the individual must be supported in their own unique explorations & curiosities.
Legacy.“The opportunities we allow ourselves for connection and engagement with others and life at large become like Pearls on a Necklace which is inherited by the generations to come.”
I have used this time and time again to shift my energy and to come out of a rut: getting my head out of my own world and into the worlds of others. How might I contribute to something which is bigger than myself? How might I find myself through service to Others? These questions have oftentimes filled me with the Hope I needed to carry on.
You are part of something MASSIVE and you can draw support and wisdom from this Field that Surrounds you and Guides you.
Learn more about the Work & Sound Healing I do with my wife Rebecca below.
